Neilseph Guard

A portrait image of Neil Guard taken in the present era. Its exact origin or date is unknown.

A picture of Neilseph taken on March 12 1957. As you can see, he hasn't aged at all.

Neilseph "Neil" Henry-Hitler Guard II (August 14 1904 – October 8 2021) was a physics teacher known for his mastery of time travel and sexually violating those he lures on fantastic, often regrettable adventures. Neilseph is made famous by his stories and by the fact that every detail mentioned in them is completely factual to the nth degree.

Early life

Neilseph Guard was born in Linz as Nagelseph Gerdes on August 14, 1904, to Alois Hitler just prior to her battle with cancer. Guard is considered to be the estranged half-brother of Adolf Hitler. Because of the devastation associated with the loss of her mother and Hitler's own detachment from his half-brother, any records of his birth were destroyed. Neilseph's father, Hans Gerdes, who was later described by Guard as a "large, overbearing man", voluntarily listed in the Austro-Hungarian Army during the outbreak of World War I in August 1914. While very little is known about the details of his father's death, Hans was killed sometime during the beginning of the war on the Western Front.

After learning of his father's death, Guard was thrown into a depression which immobilized him for the majority of the wartime period. As a young man, Neilseph immigrated to New York City after the newly-reformed Weimar Republic fell into political turmoil and began partaking in the New England cod fishery.

Education

Shortly after making a steady income, Guard began developing an interest in scientific literature in addition to expanding his grasp of the English language. At the age of 17, he enrolled in an academy for the sciences and later went on to serve as the head of that institution's chemistry department for several years.

Military service

At the time of America's entry into World War II, Neilseph was exempted from service due to his age (37 years old at the time of Pearl Harbor) however wrote to a contact in order to seek reclassification as eligible for the draft (classified as 1-A).

Maroney exposure

Roughly three years into Guard's U.S. Navy service, he was irradiated "at levels that were unnatural in any regular environment" on an unnamed escort vessel. As a result, the phenomenon of particle separation occurred in his body which resulted in Guard being capable of manipulating physical reality by focusing his mental energy over a long period of time, similar to Georgehannsen.

This event was described by Georgehannsen as one of the many Maroney Projects conducted on servicemen.

Direct effects of exposure

After Guard's body underwent intense modulation, the direct effects remained physical. He began aging rapidly and his posture hunched, while many began noticing Guard\'s speech to become slurred. Over time, increased psychosis and an extreme capacity for mathematical or logistical thinking became noticeable.

Death

During June 2021, Guard was diagnosed with a form of terminal cancer and told by physicians that he had only a few weeks to live. On September 24, Guard attended a football game at the high school where he taught physics in order to bid farewell to students and colleagues. Guard passed away on October 8 2021.

Neilseph Stories

The Neilseph Stories conversations are a series of canonically unconnected stories involving Neilseph Guard and his adventures posted on the forum by a number of users. Billiam Kush was responsible for creating the first story, and wrote a number of sequels which can be followed in a linear fashion. He was also responsible for starting conversations which contained prequels and stories that can be interpreted as spin-offs of the original stories. Since then, over seven users have published at least one conversation that is branded as a Neilseph story and several other users have published stories which feature Neilseph as an overarching character.

Billiam Kush's stories

Because some of the earlier stories have been deleted as a result of improper moderation, they are ordered by their creation date.

1. X-Men Origins: Neilseph
2. Neilseph Forever
3. 50 Shades of Neilseph
4. Neilseph Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope
5. The Bridge On The River Neilseph
6. 28 Neilsephs Later
7. Neilseph\'s Naughties: The Epidemic
8. Neilseph Unchained

Mr. Tomlins' stories

Mr. Tomlins wrote several stories under the series "Neilseph Legends" which typically focus on Neilseph's interactions with a minor character borrowed from the site's history.

1. The Carol Dweck Conspiracy
2. Neilseph Legends: Neilseph and Miller
3. Neilseph Legends: Mr. Hagerdon
4. Neilseph's Foul Gatherings
5. Neilseph Legends: Walrus James

Other stories that feature Neilseph

Some users have created stories which feature Neilseph collaborating with other users on the forum, or in stories aiming to explain phenomena on this forum. One of the most notable users that published a "meta" story featuring Neilseph was rbn, a one-time account that detailed the history of Raymond Bernes' involvement with Guard.

1. My Neilseph Story, brownpeople.
2. The Tabular Convention, rbn.
3. The truth about Neilseph, Shitposters Inc.
4. Neilseph Guard Story #82, Ryan Brewer.
5. Neilseph\'s Lost Tape, Adolf Hitler.
6. Neilseph story #83, Akefu Brewer.

Other conversations that mention Neilseph

Kush had created some conversations during periods when his earlier stories were being deleted that did not contain stories however mentioned Neilseph and his activities. In addition, newer users of the forum have created conversations to discuss the Neilseph Guard phenomenon. They are ordered by their creation date.

1. He deleted my #metoo story, Billiam Kush, the first conversation to mention Neil Guard, in which it is alluded that he had raped the original poster.
2. PIROK DO NOT READ THE NEILSEPH STORY, Billiam Kush.
3. I'm coming out of retirement, Billiam Kush, which indirectly mentions Neilseph by stating that the original poster has to "finish his cup of coleslaw first."