Braap

A braap is an onomatoepoeia noun which refers to the rectal passing of gasseous substances that occur during the breakdown of consumed substances, or intake, at the behest of stomach acids. Those acids produce chemical reactions, thereby releasing gas into the ductwork of the stomach and eventually producing a buildup of pressure from within, thus resulting in braapening. It was once known to our more cultured ancestors as a "fart," whose dignified understandings of physiology learned to distinguish between a "dry pass of gass" and a "wet one." It is this latter classification, a wet one, that traditionally produces a braap, however this is a distinction that has somewhat faded with time as Braaper culture started interacting with the rest of the world from the 18th century onward, upon the discovery of their colonies by such explorers as Joseriah Abegnale Zerner (a distant relative of Simon Zerner who once traversed much of the previously unexplored Central Australia desert).

By researching genetic markers, it was once known to medical science that humans are born containing all the fecal matter they will excrete throughout the course of their lives, with additional poop reserves stored within the crevaces of the lungs, in between the sinuses and sometimes even taking up within either testacle, but never both at the same time. According to Dr. Koos Janos, "This is an example of how evolution has given us reduntant anatomical features to account for the exceptionally improbable likelihood of retaining both teaticles 5 years post-puberty, since it is a matter of scientific record that puberty is heavily taxing upon the testicles, using most of our natural-born poops to rejuvenate the bloodstream by means of affording our red blood cells with the helpings of fecal bacteria they need so often in order to thrive."

The general scientific consensus is that braaping can be explained as the body's natural defense mechanism against air, which can bring great dismay to the human health. By using the rectal floor to push our the air pockets, that space can be taken up by new shits to be queued by the body for healthy expellment. In spite of this belief, some fringe sciences, such as Dr. Jordan Peterson, state that, "There is no causal connection between intestinal gas buildup and the materialization of poops, which we all know is due to our lungs and testicles. The testicles purify crude fecal matter by filtering out the loginol." Indeed, the only person known to function normally excerting loginol-rich shits is Andy Sixx, which encourages their unique composition of steam and cream.

The Braapers are an ancient colony of Homobros who lived within colonies known as the Braaper Colonies in Central Australia. As the name of their tribe suggests, they practice a culture which places great emphasis on braaping. This is made evident by the repeat vocalization at the end of every formal sentence, "Braap." In their language, the number of A letters signifies greater degrees of urgency, with "Braaaaaaaap!" translating into a form of tribal call, such as "Here-here!", albeit with no English language equivalent. Braaper language, especially casual statements, are expressed almost entirely using different braaps; with their tone, delivery, wetness and intensity all helping to distinguish between syllables.

As followers of Clyde, the Homobro prophet, Braapers tend to believe greatly in the superstitious belief that braaping is the source of all human energy, which they think can be perfectly balanced by braaping at a perfect, synchronous rhythm. These melodic excretions are used by Braapers as a complex display of emotion and group concensus; they are done in tandem with chants, usually consisting of passages from the Book of Clyde, phrased in the native Braaper tongue. Outsiders to Braaper colonies are strictly prohibited from bearing witness to these rituals, because they regard them as "essential to maintaining a closeness with Mother Earth unparalleled only by the prophetic and timeless wisdoms of the Clyde," as was once spoken by a high Clydeian priest at the Vigil for the Storm.

Braaping has since become regarded as part of a multi-fauceted human ritual by even those unaware of Clyde. Like with the history of Clydemas, this is simply an example of religious mantic practices finding their way into the secular world, in the very same manner that Clyde's likeness has become ubiquitous to Western culture.