Lauren Jacobs

Don't act like you wouldn't.

Lauren Jacobs (born 1995) is a lolcow known for her schizophrenic rants and public displays of insanity. She has been diagnosed with numerous mental and neurological disorders which include, but are not limited to: BPD, schizophrenia, ADHD and bipolar disorder. In other words, she is a certified nutjob.

Over time, she has become the source of ridicule by members of several obscure Internet communities, including the Schizoid Arena Discord server, after recording videos of her having breakdowns or doing weird things and posting them on social media. She has become popular on Telegram because of these videos, attracting lots of "trolls" (orbiters) who like to try and establish contact with her. Telegram groups centered around Lauren unite everyone of different extremist or moderate beliefs together for the purpose of making fun of her.

A few examples of the weird things she films herself doing include: sucking a black guy's dick through a glory hole, shitting down a toilet and filming it coming out of her ass, and dancing around naked in front of a shopping mall pleading to get arrested. In addition to this, there are many videos of her screaming about incoherent nonsense that she takes absolutely seriously, with no degree of self-awareness whatsoever.

History

Lauren was always troubled which is probably caused by her genetics. She discovered pornography at age 9 and got curious about it, so she ended up smearing peanut butter all over her vagina to try and get her dog to lick it out. The dog ignored her and didn't oblige with her will, which is why today she believes that animals know when you are trying to get a sexual favor from them and can consent to having surprise buttsecks.

Lauren used to be an honor student, but then one day she was prescribed Adderall (which is what some might call legal meth) for her concentration issues and ended up getting addicted to it, often abusing the drug. Staying on Adderall just wasn't enough for her, so she started filling the void by taking other types of drugs, which in turn got her more addicted until she spiraled out of control. Lauren became a homeless vagrant for a while before her family presumably helped her out.

Somewhere in 2022 after Lauren got released from a psych ward, she decided that she wanted to go to jail for the "life experience". To achieve that goal, she thought it would be a good idea to go out completely naked in public. She went to a gas station and started harassing the workers, refusing to leave. In the video, you can hear one of them asking the others not to call the cops as going to jail is what she wants -- from which we can assume that she made her intentions clear. She also took her shirt off in court to try to provoke the judge to achieve her goals, however she didn't end up going to jail for any of this but was later charged with domestic violence against her mother.

As of early 2023, she started believing that she had arthritis and that it was a sign from God, with him telling her that she spends too much time on social media, which might be the reason she's not as active on her old platforms for now.

Relationship with PATHSEEKER

Her and PATHSEEKER met in late 2019 or early 2020 when he joined a ban appeal server dedicated to a big right wing community after getting banned for trolling. He noticed a female in the chat that was constantly typing in caps and harassing moderators and decided to message her. On the first encounter, Lauren thought that PATHSEEKER was a certain person from one of her Telegram communities giving stupid reasons as to why she thinks that way and kept talking to him as if he is in fact that person for a while. They ended up becoming friends of some sort, even though he could be very disrespectful and rude to her whenever she did something wrong and the friendship as a whole was abusive.

Shortly after, she started growing obsessively attached to him and was telling everyone that they are married and soulmates, despite him making it known that he was dating somebody in real life and having no romantic nor sexual interest in Lauren. Just as she did with her father, she was accusing PATHSEEKER of sexualizing her when he wasn't doing anything of the sort. Even though Lauren was known for posting her nudes online which she referred to as "art" and spamming them when she got angry, she had never sent Path any of those pictures because she didn't want to disrespect him; which is very surprising. Lauren said that she kept a diary of Path and was constantly talking about him to people on Telegram.

Even to this day, she religiously believes that PATHSEEKER was cheating on his real-life then-girlfriend with her and that they were involved in a sexual relationship, which couldn't be further from the truth.

VAGINA!!!

Religion and worldview

Lauren was a feminist, LGBT-supporting Trumpie, and she liked to wear LGBT shirts with Trump hats in public. She used to be an atheist that disliked religion, finding it to be a form of mind control, until she started reading the Bible and watching videos on Christianity, and declared herself a Christian. She seemed to be dedicated to these new-found religious beliefs and was seen trying to convert her friends. Once time has passed, she started believing that all Abrahamic religions are a unity, claiming to be a "Christian Muslim Jew". Oy gevalt!

She believes that shame is a source of addiction (not the other way around) which is why kids shouldn't be told that drugs are bad or else they will feel shame when they do end up taking them, leading to them becoming addicted to various substances. According to Lauren, kids as young as 4 years should learn about sex toys and masturbation, and if you disagree with this viewpoint then you are a groomer pedophile. Despite all this, Lauren believes in rehabilitation over punishment and justifies her socializing with pedophiles in Telegram as "trying to fix these people". I'm sure the judge will take this into account and let her off the hook with all that child porn stored on her cell phone.

Lauren had a lot of theories regarding Abrahamic religions, and once believed that Islam's self-proclaimed prophet Muhammad was in fact just an alien sent to Earth. In some of the videos she took, she was seen wearing a hijab, further affirming that she also believes in Islam.

Personality

Despite her Jewish heritage, she doesn't hoard money and is very generous with it. She tends to give away hundreds of dollars to homeless people and her friends. She has given away a thousand dollars to someone on Telegram before, and $400 to PATHSEEKER.

Lauren is very obsessive, which isn't just limited to the men she speaks to. She gets obsessed with new ideas like indoctrinating children with sex education (typical Jew behavior) and will forge her personality around them. She carelessly screenshots messages and leaks people's personal information, which can include full names and phone numbers. Nobody knows for sure whether she does it maliciously or not, but it's probably because she's bat-shit crazy.

Family

Lauren was born to a Jewish father and a gentile (gross...) mother. She claimed that her mother have fallen in love with the Jews as she thought they were more intelligent, and admired their overall culture. Lauren's mother ended up marrying an Ashkenazi Jew and pumped out a dozen of his children and at least one of them grew up to be a schizo, as any good Jew ought to.

In one of the videos with Lauren in them, you can hear her mother screaming while having a nervous breakdown. This shows that her family can't fucking stand the perpetual degeneracy and belated schizophrenia that expels from Lauren on a daily basis. Lauren has been constantly accusing her father of sexualizing her, often referring to the times that she got spanked by him. Now we don't know if that's true or not as her mind isn't in a healthy state, so her claims might be heavily distorted. She posted a screenshot of her angrily confronting her father through text regarding the 'sexual abuse', and then she ended up sending an image of herself naked with her breasts showing (which she calls "art") so as to "combat the sexualization". Makes sense!

Lauren also has a brother who seems level-headed, and he is concerned about her mental state.

Occupation

Lauren has held a few jobs throughout her life. It is known that she used to be a stripper, but then she started working at her father's mall, of which she owns 20% of shares. (Man, it's good being one of those people.) She ended up getting fired when her black co-worker got offended after being hurled a bunch of racial slurs by Lauren, to which Lauren replied "So what? Embrace it. Let people call you a nigger as I let them call me a kike." Words of wisdom, and now I know what to write on my coffee mug.

In one of Lauren's videos, she recorded herself with her girlfriend (girl... friend?) who also happens to be a prostitute, saying that they are going to make a threesome sex tape and put it on OnlyFans. Unfortunately, the sex tape has never shown up and probably doesn't exist.

Quotes

bring up my asshole ONE MORE TIME. One more time. Do it. One more time. I guarantee everyone’s assholes are absolutely disgusting and yet when I have 1. A rash you assume that is how my asshole looks all the time. There are videos of my asshole looking more normal but NOOOOO LAURENS ASSHOLE IS FUCKING JUST SOOOO SICK. Show YOUR asshole you wastes of life — October, 2022

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